


What Does He Have That I Don't?

by Prettywitchiusaka



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Attempted Sex, F/M, Gen, Poor Dumb Havoc, implied royai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettywitchiusaka/pseuds/Prettywitchiusaka
Summary: For fma03month. Havoc thinks being in a foreign country will make him a chick magnet. Unfortunately, he still needs to compete with a certain Colonel.
Relationships: Jean Havoc & Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Kudos: 13





	What Does He Have That I Don't?

Jean Havoc sat back in his comfy chair, daydreaming and whistling a happy little tune to pass the time.

Another hour, and he and his unit will be in Xingese. Not for work or anything military related, oh no! One of Major Armstrong's elder sisters was getting married to her half- Xingseies fiance. And given how generous the good Major is, he'd invited not just Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye but their team, as well.

So they piled into a train this morning and made the day long trip there. It'd been a long ride so by nightfall, his friends were all exhausted.

Not him, though. No, he was actually looking forward to being in another country.

"What are you smiling about?" Lieutenant Breda asked.

Jean smirked. He turns to his portly friend.

"Just thinking about all the women we're gonna meet, this weekend."

"Yeah. So?"

"So, we're foreigners in a strange land," he explained. "Odds are pretty good we'll have our pick of the ladies, if you know what I mean?"

Jean giggled like a little girl. He couldn't help it, though. If there's one thing he's learned from all the stories his uncle told him, and the few times he's skimmed those cheesy romance novel Hawkeye loves reading, it's that chicks dig foreigners!

And given his own luck with women, or lack thereof, he could use the advantage.

Breda snorted.

"Yeah; good luck with that, Havoc."

"What!?"

"Suppose you were lucky enough to grab yourself a little hottie, how long do you think it'll be before she dumps you for you-know-who?"

Jean raises an eyebrow, confused.

His eyes follow Breda's finger until it points to a familiar mop of jet black hair sitting in the row ahead of them, fast asleep. Their Colonel, Roy Mustang.

Jean frowned.

"Oh, come on!" he said. "There's no way Mustang can bag a girl in **every** country he goes to!"

Breda shrugged.

"I don't know, he's always got a pretty girl hanging off his shoulder," he said. "Seems like no woman can resist him, except maybe Armstrong's sister."

Jean grumbled.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Breda had a point. For most women, Roy Mustang was sex on legs, something Jean just couldn't hold a candle to. He could be the handsomest, funniest, most intelligent guy in the room, but as soon as Roy walked in, all bets were off! Any woman Jean attracted would flock to the Colonel, with his intimate gaze, charming words and natural charisma, leaving poor Jean in the dust.

"Well not this time!" he declared. "Mark my words, Jean Havoc'll have his day in the sun, this weekend!"

Breda rolled his eyes.

"If you say so."

Jean pouted. He crossed his arms and looked out the window, remaining silent for the rest of the trip. He'd show them! One way or another, he was getting laid this weekend!

...

_The Next Day - Mid-Afternoon_

It was tea time.

Jean and his friends were slowly making their way to the living room. They weren't the only ones, though. Major Armstrong was there, and were his sister and her fiance.

And most importantly (at least to him) were the groom's three sisters, all of whom pounced on him the second he entered the room.

And he couldn't be happier.

"Oh my, your chin is so soft."

Jean giggled inward as one of them cupped his chin, running soft fingers across his (freshly) clean-shaven skin.

He couldn't help it, though.

When was he ever going to get another opportunity like this ever again?

"Well that's because I shave daily," he said. "I gotta stay in tip-top shape if I wanna attract such pretty ladies, you know?"

He winked, making the girls giggle.

"Such strong arms!" said another, grabbing hold of his upper arm. "You must work out everyday, too!"

"I brought my dumbbells if you wanna see? Maybe we can all go back to my room after dinner and do some heavy lifting."

"If you say so!"

The girls started hugging him, or wrapping their arms around his.

Jean was in heaven.

_"I am gonna score!"_

"You'll be fine, Sir."

Jean opened his eyes to watch Colonel Mustang walk into the room, Lieutenant Hawkeye not too far behind him as usual.

She was wearing a red flower printed dress, showing off her curves. She'd even decided to leave her hair down for a change. And Mustang? He was wearing a traditional Xingese outfit; loose-fitting pants, matching jacket, and an un-tucked white button up shirt that was a bit too snug around his neck.

"Yeah, but why is it so tight?" he asked, trying to loosen the garment. "I feel like I'm gonna pass out any minute, now."

He felt sorry for his friend, but it's nothing that couldn't be fixed. Besides, he had more important business to-

"Would you look at that?"

" _Huh?_ " Jean thought. He opened his eyes to notice something; his girls, their eyes were all on Mustang.

_"No!..."_

"He's so cute."

"Yeah."

_"No! Not again!-"_

Next thing he knew, they'd forgotten all about him in their mad dash the Colonel. All he could do was watch them glomp onto a surprised looking Mustang, and shove a (just as equally) surprised looking Hawkeye out of their way.

Mustang seemed to relax into it pretty quick, though.

"Ladies, ladies, please," he said, turning his smile all the way to lady-killer. "There's plenty of me to go around."

They giggled.

Jean let out a growl. He could literally feel several blood vessels pop in anger.

"Hey! Mustang!" he said. "Mind giving me back my harem!?"

Roy took one look at his friend, then took another look at the girls clinging to him...and shrugged.

"Oh, sorry, Havoc," he said, smirking. "I guess they changed their minds."

He walks away, women in tow. Leaving poor Jean to nearly rip out his hair at the sheer unfairness of it all.

"YOU"RE NOT SORRY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he screamed.

It took at least three other men to keep him from running to his boss and strangling the life out of him.

...

_One Hour Later..._

Jean looked down at his tea, his reflection in the green liquid staring back at him pathetically. He didn't feel like socializing much, not after his recent defeat. He'd rather stay by the door feeling sorry for himself, at least for now.

"So, Havoc," Breda said, smugly. "What was that you said about this being your "Day in the Sun"?"

"Shut up, Breda!"

He could hear his friend snickering. At least he had the urge to resist smacking him silly...for now, anyway.

"Oh, Roy! You're hilarious!"

Jean can feel his ears burning.

He looks up and sees his three, beautiful conquests...sitting next to Mustang. They're hanging onto his every word, listening with intense interest to his stories.

He's not even sure why he's still watching this display? Unless he feels like giving himself another reason to drink himself silly there's really no point.

And yet, he can't look away.

He can't help watching his boss. All he's doing is sitting there, talking. Yet he exudes such confidence with each movement he makes, each syllable he speaks. It's as if he owns the room, or something.

Is he really just that confident? Or does he have some innate, unspoken charm that just draws people to him, men and women alike? Like a vampire or an incubus?

Or maybe is this all a way to distract himself from another night of being a horny, drunken mess?

Jean sighed.

"What does he have that I don't?"

"I was wondering the same thing."

Jean turned to look at a very…angry looking Hawkeye slowly sipping her tea, staring daggers at Mustang and the other women.

He snickers.

"Wait. You're not jealous, are you?"

"Shut up, Havoc!"

Jean chuckled.

"If you say so," he said, taking another sip of tea.

At least he wasn't the only one who was miserable tonight.

The End


End file.
